Broken Mirrors
by KawaiiLilMarron
Summary: Goku was stuck in his prison, and now the visions of what he saw while in there, are coming back to haunt him. Homura makes him an offer to leave Sanzo's verbal abuse, and Goku's mirror is slowly breaking. [39, some Goku x Homura, some 58]
1. First Cut

**Broken Mirrors**

**Chapter 1:** First Cut

**A/N:** Yay, my first multi-chaptered Saiyuki fanfiction, that is not an alternate universe and it's not based around Gojyo and Hakkai. I know, astonishing. It's actually Sanzo x Goku, with some Goku x Homura. And it's a very Goku-Centric fanfiction. I dunno, I all of a sudden like Goku a lot. Mmm, so anyway. Time to read!

**-o-**

_Something, something is cutting me..._

_**Nobody is cutting you...**_

_W-What?_

_**You're doing this to yourself**_

Goku opened his eyes slowly, seeing reddened scars all down his forearm, the blood from the cuts were slowly dripping off his elbows and onto his naked body, curled into a fetle position. Laying in this dark room, he could only see himself, and the blood. Salty tears mixed with the warm blood that shattered his room of darkness, and gave it color.

In his boredom, he would take the blood and make paintings, drawings of things he could remember, or rather, things he could only see very little of. These drawings had long flowing robes, golden eyes, and a sadness in what little of the face he could see, in a mirror that watched him hurt.

Whenever these visions struck Goku, he had urges to paint them, and he couldn't stop. He didn't even have control over his body anymore.

Until, the sun came up.

" Sanzo!" Goku yelled, digging his nails into the body next to him.

" Goku!" Sanzo yelled back, shaking the smaller boy, out of his dark room.

" Sa-Sanzo..." Goku sobbed, tears flowing from his eyes and onto the sheets beneath them. Sanzo sighed and pulled Goku close.

" I wish you'd stop abusing me in your sleep." Sanzo hissed.

Goku gasped and hugged Sanzo tighter, " Maybe I should get my own room from now on."

" It's fine. I've had worst." Sanzo said, letting him go. " You're obviously having nightmares..."

Goku nodded nervously, unable to make eye contact with the blonde monk. Sanzo sucked his teeth and rolled his eyes. If Goku didn't want to talk, that was fine with Sanzo, he didn't care...all _that_ much. " Don't go..." Goku whimped, taking hold of Sanzo's arm.

" I'm not going anywhere. Go to sleep." Sanzo ordered, turning over. Goku couldn't help but cry a few more minutes after that. He wanted to tell Sanzo what was happening, about his nightmares...about those other pair of golden eyes, the robes and the whisps of hair he saw while lying in his 'dark room'. But he couldn't, and because he couldn't, Sanzo shunned him.

" There is nothing I can do." Goku sniffled, wiping his face on his pillow.

He woke up last the next morning, Sanzo was downstairs and Gojyo and Hakkai were up already. Goku went to the bathroom, rubbing his eyes, and while washing his hands, looked in the mirror.

" Good morning, what's for breakfast?" He practiced, with a smile. He tried the same line with a little more energy, and it sounded more like him...at least, what he was trying to be. " And, maybe I should tackle Gojyo too." Goku muttered. " Or, would that be too out of character...?"

" No, I don't think it would be." Sanzo said, having seen the whole thing.

" Huh? Sanzo?" Goku gasped.

" Maybe you should just go as you are." Sanzo suggested, " Depressed and lonely."

Goku tried to speak, but kept quiet.

" I mean, why should you hide the way you are?" Sanzo hissed, more harshly then intended.

" Everybody does." Goku snapped back. " You think Gojyo _really_ sleeps around as much as he says he does, you think Hakkai is _really_ over what happened...and you yourself, even hides who you really are."

Sanzo glared, " No, I'm always a bastard." Sanzo hissed.

" You're just mocking me." Goku growled, cluching a ceramic soap bottle on the sink. " You're always mocking me." He continued, " You all percieve me as some stupid idiot who can't even take care of himself. How I'm always hungry, always whining, still a child. I'm not a child anymore, and everytime I try to break the facade, I can't, because I get made fun of for that too!" Goku yelled.

" Facade? Where'd you learn a big word like that?" Sanzo teased, but Goku was serious. Goku crushed the ceramic container in his palm.

"...That's what I mean..." Goku whispered under his breath, full of homicidal rage. " You all keep pushing, and pushing, and trying to break me..."

" Because maybe, you, and everybody else, needs to be broken." Sanzo said, " It's the only way you can take another step." He said, leaving the room, seeing Hakkai and Gojyo gaping at the bottom of the stairs, hearing the whole arguement. " It's nothing." Sanzo said simply.

But Gojyo and Hakkai weren't idiots, that was just a perception, they knew what was going on.

" Think we should check on Goku?" Gojyo asked Hakkai quietly, perking an eyebrow.

Hakkai shook his head, " No, let's leave him alone for now."

Gojyo shrugged and followed Hakkai's orders.

Goku, who was covered in soap and ceramic pieces, that was slowly cutting into his skin as he pounded his fists into the marble sink, crying.

_He's slowly being broken..._

The figurative mirror, that watched Goku lie there in his dark room, was slowly cracking under the pressure. The corners were being chipped, and falling over Goku's sanity.

Though it was morning, it was cloudy and almost seemed like night. Goku looked up from the sink as he heard slow footsteps on the balcony. Goku froze, peaking into the bedroom. He crawled, over ceramic and liquid soap into the room.

" Goku." The person coaxed, Goku looked up, to see the familiar misplaced eyes of Homura. " What are you doing?"

Goku looked around him, and stood up slowly. " Nothing." He said defensively, Homura was his enemy after all.

" I heard your little arguement with Sanzo..." Homura said, draining out his words. " I don't understand why you put up with that."

Goku shook his head sadly, softening a bit, " I don't know either."

" You don't have to." Homura smiled.

Goku perked an eyebrow, " You want me to go with you, don't you?"

Homura grinned, " Maybe, do you want to?" He shrugged, as if he was not only trying to convince Goku, but seduce him as well.

" I don't want to be judged as some stupid idiot, who can't think for himself." Goku hissed.

Homura smiled, " I don't even think that about you now. I have high respect for you, Goku."

Goku stood for a moment, waiting for his answer to come to him.

" Let me think about it." Goku whispered.

" That's better then a no." Homura smiled, putting a hand on Goku's shoulder. " I'll be watching you, and if I feel they have gone to far, I will take you myself."

Homura started to leave, but Goku stopped him, " Why are you doing this, Homura?"

" Because I feel you could be treated better, is all." Homura said, leaving into the mist outside on the balcony. Goku felt as if one of his mirror's corners had been repared, which wasn't the case at all. It was still cracked, still about to crumble.

_Save me from this hell-on-earth..._

**-o-**

**A/N:** I am very happy with this. To get to the maximum amount of angst I need for this, I have to listen to lots of Evanescence, Linkin Park and a bit of AFI. Normally I listen to slow pop music for my 58 fanfiction, but I am gonna get sick of angsty music after this fic.


	2. Second Cut

**Broken Mirrors**

**Chapter 2:** Second Cut 

**A/N:** Sorry. I didn't know it'd take me this long to make myself a chapter guide for this fic. Usually I write a first chapter, then I write down everything that is going to happen throughout the fic but this one took me a while. Blah. 

**-o-**

_C-crack..._

**Goku, your world is falling down.**

_C-crack..._

**Your mirror is breaking.**

Goku sat further down in his seat, dismissing the voices in his head. He turned over a little, taking up as little seat in the back as he could. His hands were covered up by his overshirt, tightly, and moved in a postition where Gojyo couldn't see. 

" Goku?" Gojyo asked quietly. 

" Hmm?" Goku asked, not turning around to face him. 

Gojyo sighed, " Is something wrong?" 

" Nope." Goku said quietly, " Just a little hungry I guess." 

Gojyo felt a little hurt for him, and reached in his pack for a snack or two. " I got a bag of cookies, we'll share." 

Goku smiled a little, at the kappa's uncharacteristic attempt to make him happy. But Goku couldn't show his hands, so how would he eat? Goku moved his armbands up to his hands and reached for a cookie. 

" Goku, is something wrong with your hand?" Gojyo asked. Goku withdrew and shoved his hand back into his undershirt. 

" Nevermind, I don't want any." Goku huffed, squeezing his hand tighter. With the armbands up on his hands, even more was revealed. His hands and wrists ached, but felt good at the same time. They stung, but felt amazing. 

Gojyo glanced at Hakkai through the rearview mirror and gave Hakkai a questioning look. _What's up with him?_

Hakkai shrugged, _I don't know._

And Gojyo ate his cookies, Hakkai kept driving, Goku antagonized over his hands and Sanzo tuned out everything. 

It was breaking, everything they had built over the three years they had known each other, was slowly shattering. 

Goku's mirror was missing two corners, and had a crack halfway up the middle. It had a gold frame around it, which was beaten and battered. 

Gojyo's mirror, had bloodstains on it, and indents that seemed as though rocks were thrown at it. It had two cracks in it that were indentical to Gojyo's scars. The frame around it had red flowers. 

Hakkai's mirror, had a beautiful emerald trim. It was real and had pearls in each corner. The mirror itself, was traced in a vine pattern, and had one big crack along the bottom. 

Sanzo's mirror, was a mystery. One side was cracked and broken a little, and one side was perfectly fine. 

These mirrors represent their souls. All of the torment and pain people face, are put onto their mirror. Most of the things on their mirrors, are normal for people to have. But Goku's mirror was strange. 

" Goku..." Gojyo huffed, shaking the monkey out of his sleep. Goku's eyes opened, and blinked. " We're at the town, get up." 

Goku looked around, seeing that it was just him and Gojyo outside. " Where's Sanzo and Hakkai?" 

" Hakkai is checking us in, Sanzo went for more cigarettes." Gojyo said simply. " You slept for about 5 hours. I was bored." 

Goku looked up at Gojyo, " Why are you being so nice to me?" 

Gojyo sighed and sat next to Goku, putting an arm around his shoulder, " I heard your fight with Sanzo last night." Goku's eyes widened. " And I guess you're right, we do treat you too much like a little kid sometimes." 

Goku looked at his feet, he felt kind of bad. 

" Sanzo's bring an ass to you, so I figured you don't need two assholes getting on you about everything." Gojyo continued. " And I don't even know what facade means." Gojyo chuckled. 

Goku smiled softly, and for the first time in a long time, Gojyo and Goku shared a moment. Goku reached over and hugged Gojyo, and Gojyo hugged back. They didn't know what complelled them to do so, but it would never be spoken of. **That's for sure.**

They quickly let go of each other as footsteps were heard behind them. 

" Was that a hug I saw?" Hakkai asked with a smiled, leaning over Gojyo. 

" No." Gojyo teased, sticking his tongue out at Hakkai. 

" It's alright, I won't tell anybody." Hakkai said honestly. 

" Telling somebody and bringing it up are two different things." Gojyo pointed at Hakkai. 

" Well, we have our rooms checked in. I got two." 

Goku blinked, " I don't want to stay with Sanzo." 

Hakkai gave a sympathetic smile to Goku. " Anybody _else_ want to stay with Sanzo?" He said, glancing at Gojyo. 

Gojyo growled, " Nuh-Uh, I am not being forced to stay with that fucking monk again!" 

Hakkai sighed, running a hand through his hair. " What are we going to do then?" 

" Can you guys, both stay with me?" Goku asked quietly. Gojyo and Hakkai blinked. Gojyo smiled at Hakkai. 

" No problem, Goku." Gojyo said. 

" That should work out fine." Hakkai agreed. Goku smiled and followed the other two into the inn. Goku felt as if, a corner of his mirror had been repaired. But Goku didn't know that your mirror can't be repaired. 

Once it's broken, it's broken. Your mirror can become better, but the scars will anyways remain. Both on your body, and your soul. 

_I'm drowning, Nataku, save me._

**-o-**

**A/N:** Yay. More to come soon. I am really liking this fic right now. Sorry about the tiny bit of 59/95. I think that pairing is kinda cute, depending on how you write it. 


End file.
